Not-So-Obvious Rules for Surviving an Adoption in Africa

So, I’m only about halfway through the adventure that I’ve dubbed “Bringing Home Luyanda” but I think I’ve learned a few important things already. So, I humbly, and somewhat proudly, present some of the

Not-So-Obvious Rules for Surviving an Adoption in Africa


Note: These rules may seem obvious, but if they are so obvious, then why did I only think of 3 out of the 9 before I got here?


1) Bring presents – the smallest gesture is super appreciated here. Okay, not the smallest… the 3-pack of chocolate covered macadamia nuts is too small. But a relatively small gift, like the can that has at least 12 nuts inside, can work wonders. Bring more than you think you will need. It gives me a funny feeling in my stomach when I find myself debating if some new person I’m about to meet is nut-worthy.

2) Don’t count on the Internet – It’s funky, unpredictable, and SLOW… at my current guesthouse I am not able to Skype with any consistency. It was agonizing trying to introduce Luyanda to Russell and Zaffron for the first time. All she and I could see were faceless stop-motion blobs that spoke stilted non-words like “hi…. yanda… ant wait… to… eet you.” I bet she's super excited to meet daddy now!

3) Get an International plan for your phone - I counted on Skype… now I don’t talk to my family nearly as much as I had hoped. And this has made things harder emotionally for me and for them.

4) Don’t count on the ATM – It might be because I’m using a debit card, but I can’t get cash! I got what I brought with me and it better last.

5) Don’t bring just one credit card – I brought three and each has been turned down at least once (and I did call ahead).

6) Learn some of the language –

a. Greetings - People (store clerks, bank tellers) are constantly laughing at me as I practice on them… but they also remember me the next time I come in to do business. And I think they appreciate that I try.

b. Phrases your children will use – I can’t tell if Luyanda is saying she’s thirsty, hungry, sleepy, or she has to pee… it’s an important distinction that would make mothering a whole lot less frustrating if I had practiced ahead of time. “Thula phela, sisi… Don’t cry, honey. Mommy thought you wanted a drink, I’m sorry you wet your pants.”

7) Be humble – Some people have mixed feelings about foreigners taking “their” children away. I can’t say I blame them.

8) Don’t be surprised when other people pick up your children – Oh it happens, and it happens a lot. And it can be quite disconcerting. (Talk to me later, I’ve got a whopper of a story that I don’t dare put on the blog! One of my less stellar "mothering" moments, but entertaining all the same.)

9) Expect the Unexpected – Such a trite little rule that is literally impossible to accomplish, but try anyway. No matter how many books you poured over, how many experts you consulted, how many returning families you grilled, you will get taken by surprise during this adventure. I’d bet my last box of Mac Nuts on it.